SIDE EFFECTS of working in the IT sector

Bhavik

I once went out to the market wearing my Infosys ID card and did not realize till my friend told me why I was wearing it !!!!

Ashok

few days back I slept at 11:30 in the ni8 and woke up in the morning at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 9.15 hours and laughed at myself when I realised abt that.

Jyotsna

One from me too...

Just after our training completion in Mysore Dc and postings to Pune, me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants. .

And as I finished.. I started walking towards the Basin with plates in my hand.. :)

Abhijeet

Jus to add...

Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "why is she not attending the status call?"

Anup

I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home... thinking it will be blocked any way.

Till I realize - I am at home.

Rohit

Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also........ ....while writing personal mails also........ .I jus use the way as if I am writing to onsite or some senior person...... ..

Jus forget that we are jus mailing our friends..... .........

And keeping hands in front of tap for waiting water to drop by itself is very frequent with me.......... .....I jus forget that we have to turn on and off the tap......... ..

Nidhi

Awesome!!

Once after talking to one of my friend. I ended the conversation saying ..." Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"

(Hilarious!)

Nisha

Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message

from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe its in the recycle bin

Farina

I was about to throw my hanky into the bin after drying my hand.

Bhabani

Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the door with the keys.

Nisha

Kinda a same experience for me too..

I gave my office mail id and pwd to access Gmail and wondered when did they become invalid???

Sandy

I have a experience to share tooo .. I was earlier working at the back office of an international Bank. We used to 'dispatch' lot of Credit / Debit cards and statements for the customers and track its delivery later.

Once my granma was admitted in a hospital, my team mate once casually asked me " howz ur granma doing now ? still in hospital ? " ... and i replied to her " She is better now , she will dispatched from the hospital tomorrow !"

This was followed by a loud laugh in the entire bay !

Sandeep

Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....pharmacist asked whr I want 250mg r 500mg.....suddenly I replied as 256mg...lol. ...thank god he didn't noticed tht....

Ashwin

Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.

Vidyarthi

And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder, decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the silver screen!

Venu

Few of my friends and myself decided to go out for dinner. The place wasn't fixed yet. I said we shall decide it "run time"

Krishna

When I went to a movie theatre from office directly.. I showed the guy at the entrance my ID card and walked in... he had to call me back asking the ticket...

Rama

One late night when I went home after work, I was trying to flash my id card to open the lock and only after few secs, I realised what i'm trying to do

Sridhar

Once I went to have juice at the local juice vendor and innocuously asked him whether he had a plain 'version' of lemonade.

Arun

Few years back my shogun engine stopped on Bangalore MG Road as the petrol came to reserve. I told my friend I need to restart my bike!

Satya

The other day I was hearing one guy talking of a "Standalone" house.. when he was actually intending a independent house... Poor broker shud have tuff time trying to find a " Alone house standing in a huge empty area... " don't know what interpretations the guy must have made.

SOME USEFUL DEFINITIONS:Cigarette,Love affairs,Ecstasy,Computer Engineer

SOME USEFUL DEFINITIONS:

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ...

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father : A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails...

Sholay in IT - IT ke Sholay

Sholay in IT..............

Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered. They reach Ramgad and started shouting: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya ". Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai." Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?" Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai." Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop. Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate." Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain." Jay hits his keyboard,then says: "jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya ."
AT GABBAR'S DEN... Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?"
Kaalia: "Do sarkaar." Gabbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar milegi." [Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?" Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar." Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai ." [logout - logout - logout]. "Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga" Kaalia?" Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar! Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha.............................................

The Benefits of Growing Older

The Benefits of Growing Older

(and you thought there weren't any...)

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You can eat dinner at 4:00.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the

floor to watch television.

You can live without sex, but not without your glasses.

You consider coffee one of the

most important things in life.

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You got cable for the weather channel.

You have a party and the neighbors

don't even realize it.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in,

no matter who walks into the room.

You send money to PBS.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You talk about "good grass" and you're

referring to someone's lawn.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance

is finally beginning to pay off.

Your secrets are safe with your friends

because they can't remember them either.

Your supply of brain cells is finally

down to a manageable size.

You have great friend who think of you often

Thinking of U today

&

hope I made you smile!

Utkarsh

What will happen If INR 1 Rs = USD $ 100

(Copy + Paste + Send - Enjoy)

Year : 2050

Place : IBM , USA
(Two Americans Talking)

Currency Conversion Rate : INR 1 Rs = USD $ 100

Alex: Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office?

John: Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping.

Alex: Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become very strict.

John: Yeah, but I managed to get it.

Alex: How long it took to get it stamped?

John: Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front of me and they played with him like anything. That's why it got delayed. I went there at 2 AM itself and waited and returned by 4 PM .

Alex: Really? In India , it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA

John: Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming to USA man, their economy has been booming.

Alex: So, when are you leaving?

John: Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India. Sort of dream come true.

Alex: How long are you going to stay in India .

John: What do you mean by how long? I will be settled in India , my company has promised me that they will process my Hara Patta ..(green card)

Alex: Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara Patta in India .

John: Yeah, that's why, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there.

Alex: But you can find lots of US girls in Hyderabad , Bangalore and Mumbai.

John: But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured.

Alex: Where did you get the offer, Hyderabad?

John: Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is Rs. 2000/- for a single room accommodation.

Alex: I see, that's too much for US people, Rs.1/- =$100/-. Oh God! What about in Bangalore, Mumbai?

John: No idea, but it is less than what we have in Hyderabad. It is like the world headquarters of software

Alex: I heard, almost all the Indians are having one personal Robot for help.

John: You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000/-, and a personal Robot for less than Rs.7500/-. But my dream is to purchase Ambassador, which costs Rs.2 ,00,000/- but has got a lovely design.

Alex: By the way, who is your client?

John: Subbarao and Apparao Associates, a pure Indian company, specialising in Embedded Software.

Alex: Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really intelligent and unlike American Bodyshoppers who have opened their Fly-by-night outfits in India . Indian companies pay you in full even when you are on bench.

My friend Paul Allen, it seems, used his bench time to visit Bihar, the most liveable place in India , probably world. There you have full freedom and no restrictions. You can do whatever you want! I
wonder how that state has perfected that system.

John: Yeah man!, you are right. I hope our Americaalso follows their footsteps.

Alex: How are you going to cope with their language?

John: Why not? From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first language here at New York . At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in Hindi and were quite impressed by my cent per cent score in TOHIL i.e. Test of Hindi as International Language.

Alex: So, you are going to have fun there.

John: Yeah, I will be travelling in the world's fastest train, world's largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors like, Hrithik, Shah Rukh Khan and all. Esselworld is also near Bollywood.

Alex: You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year, he may then relax the number of visas.

John: That's true. Last month, Narayana Murthy visited White House and donated Rs. 2000/- for infrastructure development at aSiliconValleyand has promised more if we follow the model of High-
Tech City of Bangalore . Bill Gates also got a chance of meeting him. Very lucky person.

Alex: But, Indian government is planning to split Narayanamurthy's Infosys.

John: He is a hard worker man, he can build any number of Infosys like this. Every minute he is getting Rs. 1000/-. It seems, if you keep all his money converted as Rs. 100/- notes you can reach Pluto.

Alex: OK, Good Luck John.

John: Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a "Kurta Pyjama" because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will never come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get rejected. But don't forget to say " Namaste, aap kaise hai " to the Visa officer at Window 5. It seems he likes that and will not give you a visa if you don't greet him that way.

Purani Yaade taza karen

Purani Yaade taza karen...bas 2-2 rupe, 2-2 rupe.

पुरानी यादे ताज़ा करो।

1.) मछली जल की रानी है,
जीवन उसका पानी है।
हाथ लगाओ डर जायेगी
बाहर निकालो मर जायेगी।

2.) पोशम्पा भाई पोशम्पा,
सौ रुपये की घडी चुराई।
अब तो जेल मे जाना पडेगा,
जेल की रोटी खानी पडेगी,
जेल का पानी पीना पडेगा।
थै थैयाप्पा थुश
मदारी बाबा खुश।

3.) झूठ बोलना पाप है,
नदी किनारे सांप है।
काली माई आयेगी,
तुमको उठा ले जायेगी।

4.) आज सोमवार है,
चूहे को बुखार है।
चूहा गया डाक्टर के पास,
डाक्टर ने लगायी सुई,
चूहा बोला उईईईईई।

5.) आलू-कचालू बेटा कहा गये थे,
बन्दर की झोपडी मे सो रहे थे।
बन्दर ने लात मारी रो रहे थे,
मम्मी ने पैसे दिये हंस रहे थे।

6.) तितली उडी, बस मे चढी।
सीट ना मिली,तो रोने लगी।।
driver बोला आजा मेरे पास,
तितली बोली " हट बदमाश

7.चन्दा मामा दूर के
पुए पकाए दूर के
आप खाए थाली में
मुन्ने को दे प्याली में.

FROM THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS

FROM THE

GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS

ENGINEERING FEATS

Basilica of our Lady of Peace, Yamoussoukro o.

Inside sitting capacity...........18,000 Outside overflow capacity....100, 000

WORLD'S BIGGEST INDOOR SWIMMING-POOL

World Water Park.....Edmonton, Albert, Canada..............SIZE....5 Acres

WORLD'S BIGGEST OFFICE COMPLEX ............ CHICAGO

Chicago Merchandise Mart.....Illinois, USA

WORLD'S BIGGEST SHOPPING MALL

South China Mall, Dongguan, China.........892,000 meter-square

Shops on 6 floors

WORLD'S BUSIEST AIRPORT...............NEW YORK

J.F.K International Airport , New York....................USA

WORLD'S WIDEST BRIDGE.........AUSTRALIA

Sydney harbor bridge, Australia........16 lanes of car traffic.....8 lanes in the upper floor, 8 in the lower floor

WORLD'S LONGEST BRIDGE...............CHINA

Donghai Bridge , China ........................32.5 kilo meters

WORLD'S BIGGEST PASSENGER-SHIP

MS Freedom of the Seas......4300 passenger Capacity Inside

WORLD'S BIGGEST PLANE...............AIRBUS

Airbus A380...........555 Passenger s

WORLD'S BIGGEST BUS

Neoplan Jumbo -cruiser........2 in 1 bus....double deck bus......170 passenger capacity

WORLD'S HIGHEST STATUE................BRAZIL

CHRIST THE REDEEMER STATUE.....RIO.D.J.........BRAZIL

WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING.........DUBAI

Burj Dubai..........900 meters high.

WORLD'S LARGEST PALACE......................ROMANIA

Palace of the Parliament.....Bucharest, Romania .......... more than 500 bedrooms, 55 kitchens,120 sitting rooms

WORLD'S BIGGEST STADIUM..........BRAZIL

MARACANA STADIUM............ RIO D.J............BRAZIL...............CAPACITY...199,000

WORLD'S COSTLIEST STADIUM.........ENGLAND

New WEMBLEY STADIUM, London....90, 000 capacities................cost.....$1.6 billion

MOST COMPLEX INTER-CHANGE.........TEXAS

Interstate 10 Highways Interchange......Houston, Texas.

WORLD'S BIGGEST EXCAVATOR

Built by KRUPP of Germany.............45,500 tons......95 meters high......215 meters long

WORLD'S LARGEST MOSQUE..................PAKISTAN

Shah Feisal mosque.....Islamabad......Pakistan

Inside hall capacity ....35, 000 outside overflow capacity...... 150,000

WORLD'S BIGGEST HOTEL.........LAS VEGAS

MGM Grand Hotel....Las Vegas....6, 276 rooms

WORLD'S MOST EXPENSIVE HOTEL ...DUBAI...U.A.E

Burj Al Arab Hotel, Dubai....only 7 Star Hotel in the World

Cheapest room...$1000 per night......Royal suit...$28,000 per night

WORLD'S BIGGEST CHURCH BUILDING.........NIGERIA

Winners` C hapel.......Canaanland .......... Otta........Nigeria

Inside Sitting Capacity......50,000 Outside Overflow Capacity......250,000

WORLD'S BIGGEST ROMAN-CATHOLIC CATHEDRAL............IVORY-COAST